What About the Kids?
Jun 23–24, 2008 - comments: 10
How can you genuinely protect your children during and after divorce? Today we have renowned child psychologist Judith Wallerstein, who has spent most of her long and successful career studying children and divorce. Judith Wallerstein’s experience has educated her in the ways that work, and the ways that don’t when helping your children cope with divorce. Today she will convey her deep understanding of raising children after divorce.
This interview is one that will fall directly in line with the second part of our name…For Faith and FAMILY. I think Dr. Wallerstein will help our listeners to truly gain a deeper understanding of why children need the support of the whole community when they and their families face the effects of divorce.
If you are among the millions of American parents who have decided to divorce you probably find yourself feeling alone, confused, and in a state of shock, struggling to get out of bed to face each new day. Building a life after divorce is as demanding as building a marriage. We hope today’s broadcast helped you gain a greater understanding of what you and your children will face in the future. However, you are not alone. There is someone who will not leave you or forsake you as you try to guide your children into a productive and healthy life. That someone is the Lord Jesus Christ. He is truly the one to turn to in your hour of need. And we at For Faith and Family are here for you too.
Listen Center
Click on an above link to listen, or right-click to download the mp3 file. You are welcome to burn programs to CD for personal use or to share with friends and family.
10 comments (post your own) feed
1 On Mar 16th, 2007, at 1:23pm, Reba R. wrote:
I am listening to your discussion right now. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my sis was 5. One thing that needs to be said to the children is “it is not your fault - you have nothing to do with it - it is strictly between your mother and me (or your dad and me. In our case, our mother left because she had had found another man while our dad was in the army in the 1940’s. Prior to his being drafted, we seemed to have a happy home (from a child’s point of view). I just did not hear either of you mention that point (I could have missed it) and I think children need to be reassured about this. Thanks for your program. God bless you.
2 On Jun 1st, 2007, at 2:46pm, Tony wrote:
What if I didn’t decide to divorce, yet ended up divorced?
What if the unfaithful partner was the one granted custody?
What if the partner who has left the church is the one granted custody?
What if you can find no help from the church, including the SBC church where both the mother and father are members?
Again and again I read statements such as the one above about the millions who choose divorce.
I have yet to hear about those who DIDN’T choose divorce, but ended up divorced anyway.
So the stereotype continues, that all divorced folks choose divorce.
I suspect the number is actually only about 50%. Yet the church often treats the spouse who wanted to preserve the marriage in the same fashion as those who eagerly sought divorce.
This must explain why I experienced the lack of help from my church. Perhaps I was pre-judged as wanting divorce or guilty of some sort of sin that didn’t merit the church helping out.
3 On Oct 11th, 2007, at 4:14pm, Tony wrote:
Not one additional comment since June 1.
My e-mail may have changed, but not one answer to the legitimate questions I posed above.
I listed to the broadcast again today, and thought I’d return to see if there were any comments, and there were none.
It still seems like the SBC talks a big talk about the importance of family, but when one takes their marriage issues to the church, nothing happens that saves the marriage.
One is told by word and deed that the church can or will do nothing.
I think the follow up to this thread, after 4 months speaks volumes regarding how serious this really is to the folks write about such things.
So we have a lot of great research by the author.
So who is going to do anything concrete about it, and what do they plan to do?
What do you plan to tell those who already came looking for help, only to be told there was nothing we can do?
4 On Oct 12th, 2007, at 11:26am, Ame wrote:
Tony ... what you have written is, unfortunately, universal. I have experienced the same at my church and have since changed churches. The church needs to be confronted ... they are blind, and often intentionally so.
My ex is addicted to porn, was sleeping with prostitutes, the leadership in the church knew this ... and their only concern was whether or not I had what they considered a “biblical divorce.” They told me to ask for help and when I did, it wasn’t the kind of help they wanted to offer and even condemned me for asking.
I believe that the reason people remarry so quickly is that they are treated so badly while they are going through divorce and while they are divorced. I think that church and society treat us so badly as single, divorced parents that we are naturally drawn to getting remarried.
5 On Oct 12th, 2007, at 12:49pm, Sarah Ann wrote:
I listened to your program this afternoon and you described my situation perfectly. When I was 3 my father divorced my mother. I had a great support system through my grandparents and eventually turned out ok. Now that I am 20, I want to gather as much information as I can so that I can try to prevent divorce in my own family. You made some great points about how husbands and wives who are contemplating divorce should rethink their decision and try to make the marriage work. However, I can go to a secular book store and pick up a self help book that encourages married couples to stay together. I want to know what the Bible says about divorce. How does God view divorce? The Bible says that God hates divorce. In Mathew 5:31-32, Jesus teaches about divorce
6 On Oct 12th, 2007, at 1:07pm, Sarah Ann wrote:
Why does it matter what the church thinks about your personal affairs with your spouse? That treats the church as some legalistic judicial body instead of the fellowship with other believers. Yes ask for others’ opinions, but they really don’t matter as long as you have a clear conscience. Jesus is the ultimate judge of what is or is not a “Biblical divorce.” We shouldn’t rely on other people to solve our problems. God wants us to call on Him for help. If you did everything you could to save your marriage but were divorced anyway, your spouse will answer to God but you have done your part
7 On Oct 12th, 2007, at 10:46pm, Glenda wrote:
Tony and Ame,
I to have experienced divorce some 20 years ago. I know that some churchs do not handle divorce well. But thier those out there that are loving and accepting. I have had the privilege of being a part of one for the past 19 years. have you ever heard of a program called divorce care? It is an awesome program that is available all across the US and abroad.
All diffierent denominations use it. I have been a facilitator for our group since 1995.
You recieve support, understanding and the love of Christ in the groups. You can go to DivorceCare.com to check it out. Thier is grops all over so you can find one close to you.
i did not have this when I got my divorce and only wish it had been available. I have seen many men and women’s lives changed.
Tonights program was so informative and so right on. I plan to get the book so I can be wiser in helping others through the most difficult of times.They’re people out there that care
8 On Oct 12th, 2007, at 11:20pm, Glenda wrote:
Dr. Land,
Your program with Dr.Wallerstien was so enlightening. She answered someof my questions for my own grown children concerning my divorce and thier relationships. I will get her book and use it to help others in my church.I hope to help my own children to understand what happened. I lead a Divorce Care group for adults and one for children called DC4K ages 5 through 12 years old. I hope to use this information to help both the parent and the children.
Your program comes on late at night so this is the first time I have caught your program. Now that I have found your web site I will keep watch for your programs.
Thank you,
Glenda Clark
9 On Oct 18th, 2007, at 7:26am, Tony wrote:
I attended Divorce Care, more than one complete session.
I met some wonderful people, and much of what I learned there has helped.
However, the small Divorce Care group didn’t reflect the attitude of the church. It was more like let’s put the divorced folks over there so we don’t have to deal with all the difficult things they are going through.
Second, I found that the Divorce Care material is very short on details and plans to make reconciliation possible.
It claims reconciliation is the best outcome, but so little time and material is focused on that, that one has to wonder if the authors really believe that, or just threw that in there to satisfy the editors.
Certainly the church was doing little to nothing to bring about reconciliation.
I believe that is the thesis of Dr W’s book here, that not getting divorced is best.
The question is, what is the church doing about it? Because it appears the current efforts and programs are not effective.
10 On Jun 23rd, 2008, at 2:49pm, Tony wrote:
It will be interesting if any of the leadership addresses the legitimate questions posed here.
It’s great to have a place where the listeners can respond. It would be even better if Dr Land and Dr W would read and respond to these comments as well.
Otherwise, it seems their communication is merely one-way, without value placed on the comments provided.
It’s easy to say feedback is valuable. What actually makes it valuable is to get confirmation that those to whom the feedback is directed are actually reading and considering the feedback provided.
So how about some confirmation from Dr Land and/or Dr W that the feedback is heard and rightfully considered?