Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage
Nov 5–6, 2007 - comments: 11
Today on the broadcast we have some very special guests. Lee and Leslie Strobel are going to be joining us today. Lee is a former teaching pastor at Saddleback Valley Community Church, in Orange County, California and now is pursuing a fulltime writing ministry and he has been a guest with us before, but this time we have had the privilege to also visit with his wife, Leslie. Many people know what it means to have a wife as your partner in ministry and that is certainly the case with Leslie has been actively involved in the women’s ministry at their church as well as the one-on-one mentoring ministry. And in her spare time they coauthored the book that we are going to be talking about today entitled Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage.
One of the greatest joys on earth is to be able to share the wonderful, personal relationship we have with Christ with the person we love the most on this planet-our spouse. But I run into people all the time that have a spouse that is not a believer, and I have heard how difficult that kind of partnership can be, and that is why Lee and Leslie are with us today.
Today Lee and Leslie Strobel will allow us to look in the window of their lives and view a very difficult time in their marriage, for the benefit of those who may be-for whatever reason-walking a similar road. Because they have been there they can call back warnings to those who follow to watch for the bumps in the road, the places where the going gets really rough, even point out the mine fields to avoid. These lessons learned in the trenches-through their own trials and errors-can help another brother or sister who finds their mismatched marital road lonely and treacherous.
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11 comments (post your own) feed
1 On Feb 15th, 2007, at 5:42pm, Judy Jordan wrote:
Leslie Strobel’s experience in becoming a Christian
after she married was just like mine. I became
frustrated because I could not follow the examples
set for me in marriage by the Christian women in my
church who discipled me. God taught me, however, to
be happy in all circumstances and I learned to appreciate wonderful husband I have. Our children became saved and he raised them in a moral fashion that is parallel to the Bible’s teaching. God also
showed me that a number of the couples in church that I envied did not have a corner on Godliness or
happiness. Their marriages fell apart before my eyes. My faith surfaces in comments I make on stem
cell research, Darwinism, and The Da Vinci Code, but
for the most part I am silent about spiritual matters with my husband. After 32 years of marriage, I think he knows my thoughts, therefore,
I think he hears me speak my faith.
2 On Feb 16th, 2007, at 8:50pm, den wrote:
about 6 months ago i accepted Christ as my savior and i’m married to a non-Christian and I have to say that it is very hard because it’s hard to live for Christ when i have no support and my wife dose not understand me and my kids think that I’m strange.
3 On Feb 19th, 2007, at 10:17am, Judy Jordan wrote:
As in anything in your new life with Christ, focus on Him. Be considerate of your family’s vantage point and be patient with them. Wait on God to act in their lives and go on doing what He wants you to do.
As the God appointed head of the family, you have different obligations than I have as a wife. Use
your Bible as a guide in these matters. Seek other
Christians as your support, but trust your gut instincts in ministering to your family. God will
lead you and only you in this.
4 On Feb 20th, 2007, at 3:53pm, Maribeth Hebenheimer wrote:
My husband and I were married 17 years when I got saved. We just celabrated our 40th wedding anniversery and he still does not want anything to do with his own salvation. It gets old and lonely going to church by myself. And of course I can not share anything about what goes on at church.
5 On Feb 21st, 2007, at 10:21pm, Judy Jordan wrote:
Here I am again, but you know, I have too few people to talk with about this topic. It does get
old and lonely not being able to share this important aspect of your life with your husband. I
save my talk on spiritual matters with my Christian
friends. They value my marriage and my husband even
though we are unequally yoked. That is important to me because the church often has very little to offer
spouses in this situation. We are sometimes expected to be miserable, perhaps desperate enough to steal someone’s married spouse. At my age, I’m
no longer considered a threat and I belong to a
church that doesn’t try to shame me for my situation.
6 On Mar 26th, 2007, at 5:33pm, R wrote:
I have been married for 25 years and a Christian for 16 years. My husband wants nothing to do with making Christ Lord of his life. Neither of us were following the lord when we married and my husband has continued on the same path. Our children have witnessed a 50/50 lifestyle and difficult marriage. I have tried to be submissive, loving all the things I’m supposed to do as the Christian wife. My husband is verbally abusive, drinks and very unhappy. It’s hard to watch him be so miserable without the Lord, but I am so tired and weary. Sometimes I feel like I just can’t go on in the marriage. My feelings for him have waned. Everytime I feel hopeful, I get hurt. I am forgiving, but it is so hard to live in day in day out year after year. ONly the Lord has given me the strength to continue this long. Unless you have walked this path no one truly understands what it is like. Now I understand why the Lord speaks so strongly against unequally yoked marriages.
- R
7 On Aug 10th, 2007, at 5:19am, Kathleen Pirwitz wrote:
I actually married an unbeliever thinking that because he was somewhat a seeker he would come the rest of the way. Now that I’ve been married nearly seven years I’ve dealt with outright hostility toward Christianity. The book helped me a lot. Still, I don’t know what to say or do when he wants me to watch or listen to media that is antiChristian like South Park or Howard Stern. I have a sister and a best friend that also enjoy South Park, but I get sick to my stomach when I see it, and sometimes I go to my room and cry. He also, my husband has the tendency of saying things like “but you think all homosexuals go to hell” or “Am I going to hell because I read Harry Potter?” I have no idea what to say.
8 On Nov 6th, 2007, at 10:38am, Billy Campbell wrote:
I’ve been dating a wonderful girl that is truely devoted to Christ. I did not grow up in a Christian environment but want to be more involved and the good Christian that her friends think she should be with. She really likes me but her friends tell her she needs a christian man in her life that can challege her and make her a better Christian. My question is by helping me get more involved, which I do want to learn and follow, doesn’t that make her a better Christian?
9 On Nov 6th, 2007, at 4:28pm, Patti in Phoenix wrote:
Hey Billy, I think it sounds like she has a good man in her life. I read a comment once that talked about how if a church wants a better pastor, they should pray for the one they have. The same can be said about spouses, etc. It is also well known that in order to teach someone else, you really have to study and know your material so absolutely, as she’s helping you learn and grow, she can’t help but grow herself.
10 On Nov 6th, 2007, at 4:56pm, kipster wrote:
My husband was very thoughtful but not saved. The more I pushed on him about salvation, the more he distanced himself from me and the church. Finally I left it in the hands of the Lord and he was saved and helps with the youth program in our church.
I recently attended a talk by an older Christian woman who was married over 40 years to a good, unsaved man. He was in rebellion because of forced church attendance as a child and young adult. He was diagnosed with with cancer and finally came to the Savior. She encouraged faithful prayer and church attendance for those unequally yoked. She knew that the Lord was faithful but of course she had her doubts at times.
11 On Apr 22nd, 2008, at 11:53pm, Kosondra Turner wrote:
Please this words I will use will be strong.I H--- my husband. I wish he would leave. He has some anger and he is always blowing up. We can’t have a conversation. What do i do.