Shoulda Coulda Woulda

Jan 2, 2008

Perhaps the saddest words in the English language-or any language for that matter-are, “If only…” They are tough words to say and even tougher words to live with, especially if the regrets are due to our actions or inactions. They are never more painful than when uttered regarding relationships. We have as our guest today a man who has studied this whole area of regret, Dr. Les Parrott. Les is a clinical psychologist and co-director, with his wife, Dr. Leslie Parrott, of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. He has written a book dealing with the topic of regret titled Shoulda Coulda Woulda.

Les writes, “There are plenty of conversations I’d love to do over, irreplaceable moments where I wish I could go back in time, doors of opportunities I never opened and wished I would have. If I could alter decisions I’ve made about finances or friendships, I certainly would. Who wouldn’t? This fact-that every honest human has regrets-is what compelled me to give this topic serious study. Also because I’ve seen some people poison their daily lives with regret and guilt while others have used it to propel them to a better way of living. The former spend their lives punishing themselves for something they didn’t do or feel they should have done differently… Whether it’s over the road not taken or the one taken too long, if-onlys can hound a person to death. Literally.” (pp 15-16)

Regret, guilt and shame are powerful tools of the Enemy, keeping us focused on and marooned in a past that can never be changed. No matter how awful or painful it has been, when we embrace the Cross of Jesus Christ, our past has been covered by His blood. To allow ourselves to remain stalled in the “shoulda, coulda, wouldas” of the past is to deny the redemptive power of Jesus Christ. I hope that Les Parrot’s book will help all of us to change our focus to move forward in the “now,” toward a future that God holds for us-a future full of possibilities.

topic(s): Faith, Family

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