Debt: Family Enemy #1
by: Tom Atwood - Nov 1, 2005 - comments: 2
Studies now have confirmed what I’ve observed while counseling married couples over the years: money is a leading factor in family conflict. By the time a couple reaches the counseling stage, conflict over spending and saving probably has been eating at their relationship for years. Too often, the core issues remain unresolved and become intensified under the burden of unmanageable debt.
However, we are fighting the battle against enslaving debt in a cultural minefield. At no time in American history has there been such emphasis on measuring self-worth in terms of our possessions, and the latest toys (for all ages) can be acquired with the swipe of a credit card. Debt is a delightful little creature that can quickly grow into an enormous beast with a voracious appetite. Debt consumes happiness, security, and peace of mind and leaves persons and families stressed, resentful, and critical.
The Slavery to Debt
The wisdom of God’s Word is this: “The borrower is a slave to the lender” (Prov. 22:7). The root of this bondage lies in the warning of our Lord about “the seduction of wealth” (Matt. 13:22). Wealth is seductive because the darkened human mind concludes that one’s degree of wealth determines one’s degree of happiness and fulfillment. In truth, this seduction of wealth chokes the work of the Word in the needy human heart.
The Consequences of Debt
Interpersonal stress is not the only fruit of this bondage. A family’s financial resources exist to provide for needs rather than creating greater need. Burdensome debt creates a “pressure cooker” atmosphere in the home. Guilt is the painful result when there is inability to take care of important needs, and a parent’s self-hatred is multiplied when the bondage of debt leaves little to provide for the needs of children.
The Scripture’s Call for Balance
Proverbs 22:7 is a general warning to be generally heeded. God’s guidelines for His covenant people Israel are far more definitive. (See Exod. 21-22; Lev. 25; and Deut. 24.) These passages do not expressly forbid lending and debt. The whole counsel of God on this subject concludes that debt incurred for wrong reasons, accumulated excessively, and not repaid expeditiously is foolish at best and sinful at worst. As a general rule, debt is to be avoided if possible and avoided completely when it compromises biblical faithfulness.
The Spiritual Issues
The spiritual impact of enslaving debt was illustrated several years ago in a church’s campaign to raise money for a much-needed building. A young family approached one of the church’s ministers with a remorseful response to the fundraising appeal. The wife said they knew that God wanted them to give, but they had acquired such debt that they often had difficulty in giving anything and a tithe was out of the realm of possibility. The bondage of debt, in their eyes, had destroyed their ability to obey. Their despair opened the way for the minister to lead them on a path of debt repayment and responsible stewardship. As a result, the family probably avoided years of conflict, stress, and possible divorce.
For many, breaking the bondage of debt requires the complete reorientation of priorities and the restoring of personal spiritual disciplines. For some, repentance and renewal are necessary to open the doors of financial fidelity. Scripture is clear that to “love the world or the things that belong to the world” is a sinful absence of a love for God (1 John 2:15). Ultimately, the answer always includes a simpler lifestyle and a deep satisfaction in fellowship with God in Christ.
The bondage of debt is, of course, a financial symptom of a spiritual sickness. Knowing Christ is experiencing His sufficiency for every critical need. Like the Apostle Paul, we should be able to say, “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am” (Phil. 4:11). The church and the world have a deep need for Christians who faithfully live out a simple but satisfied lifestyle.
Pray, Pay, and Plan
For those who want to avoid debt, and others who seek to get out of debt, there are three actions that should be taken.
Pray. Submit to God and seek His grace and wisdom. Our gracious God will give needed guidance; more importantly, He will give grace to follow that guidance. “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (Phil. 4:6). Many find prayer to be the foundational discipline upon which all other disciplines are formed. Communion and communication with God help create a heart open to faith and obedience.
Pay. Pay off those debilitating debts and do not allow them to return. For many it will require only the rare use of credit cards, and for others it will require never using one again. Several methods of repayment may be useful, but one effective way is to pay off the smallest debt first and then work on each one in that order. Your debt, most likely, is yours as my debt is mine. You and I are legally and ethically bound to pay our debts. It is not optional. Pay them off!
Plan. Live by a financial plan that honors God and allows you to bless your church and others with your tithes and offerings. The most common term for this is a “family budget.” Proverbs 3:9 reminds us, “Honor the Lord with your possessions and with the first produce of your entire harvest.” Husband and wife together should establish a budget and stick to it. Our goal should be to “not owe anyone anything, except to love one another” (Rom. 13:8).
Further Learning
Learn more about: Family, Living, Finances, Marriage
2 comments (post your own) feed
1 On Jul 14th, 2006, at 2:06pm, Debra Moultrie wrote:
I just need guidance, I have always been a tithe payer. But for the last year iI have not because of financial difficulties. I know what everyone says, pay your tithes and you will be blessed. But I am torn between the desire to apy and not being able too. I have talked with my pastor, but I still agonize over it.
I would appreciate your Godly opinion
2 On Jul 20th, 2006, at 4:21pm, Barbara D'Amato wrote:
I lent $30,000 last year to a friend, he never repaid me. He then filed personal bankruptcy not out of need but as a legal mechanism to erase his business debts, including the personal money I gave him when he was in desperate need. He has no guilt, no remorse, and I see him out socially with our friends from time to time. His business is now doing great, and still will not pay me. What advise or Word of God do you have for this man that I can pass along? What advise do you have for me, so I can put it behind and move on? Thank you.